


i died yesterday

by justK



Series: one night what i saw in the darkness was the strange shadow that chased me after [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe - Canon, Anger, Bottom Qian Kun, Depression, Drug Use, Hallucinations, Johnny is not really mentioned here, M/M, Mental Abuse, Physical Abuse, Psychosis, Some Sex, Top Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Torture, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, because i felt like he needed his own chapter to fully develop, but vanilla this time, haha - Freeform, mentions of:, not really - Freeform, prolonged grief disorder, sigh, still on the business au, this is a mini trilogy, this sounds way worse than it actually is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:54:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28557204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justK/pseuds/justK
Summary: don't tell me i'm home,until your shoes rest quietlyon the mat outside the door.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Series: one night what i saw in the darkness was the strange shadow that chased me after [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092320
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	i died yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> not a native english speaker, i apologise for any mistake i might have.
> 
> click for:
> 
> [aesthetic](https://tenactwayv.tumblr.com/post/639427848026947584/darling-im-home-i-died-yesterday-tens)

“darling, i'm home!” 

and Kun would come.

“i was just falling asleep, you brat,” Kun came out of their shared bedroom barefoot and in cozy oversized clothes, looking like a tiny, cute bear that always melted Ten's heart. 

it was common for Ten to arrive late, especially since he returned from japan, not that Kun would have expected anything else, Ten had always been his dad's favourite, and that had nothing to do with him being his only son, after all, Ten was gay and that never really outshone his brilliant personality, it was his mind what his dad cherished the most, _god bless your future husband, son_ , he used to say, _it will be tough to have you_ , Ten then would roll his eyes and playfully hit his father's arm as he fixed the lapels of his expensive suit. so upon his return, his dad had immediately thrown him into important meetings and events, leaving his flat often before seven in the morning, and returning way past dinner, only seeing his boyfriend when they shared meetings together, or whenever Kun would go to his office to give him the numbers, it was enough, though, to catch just a glimpse of his lover's cute dimples and to know he'll be back in his arms at night. 

“i am sorry,” he smiled and Kun frowned pretending to be mad. “you can go back to sleep.” 

“oh, no,” Kun shook his head. “i spent half the evening on the food,” Ten would watch him stretch, his lean limbs looking cat-like when he did that, only revealing the tips of his fingers when the fabric of the sweater paws would fall slightly. 

“what did you cook?” that's when Ten would hurry to take off his shoes and his still impeccable coat, to unbutton his sleeves and reveal his forearms, and a tattoo that he had gotten about a year ago. 

Kun was wandering around the kitchen, standing on his tiptoes to get a bowl and a glass down, peeking his head curiously over the stove where he had left the pans and pots with the food, rubbing his left eye as he poured the white soup. 

“i can't believe it,” Ten spoke, completely in awe at Kun. 

“huh?” he lowered his hand that was previously rubbing his face like a sleepy baby to grab the bowl. 

“that you are mine!” it was true. 

Ten often wondered what he had done to get Kun. they had met at a really young age, back in high school, in this really wealthy one that was considered exclusive, Ten didn't know that much mandarin back then, and so his mandarin teacher introduced him to this one boy of sweet appearance and cute specs. 

_“this is Kun, he will help you out with the language,”_ his teacher explained, and just as he left, Ten caught a glimpse of Kun rolling his eyes, somewhat politely and even looking elegant, teaching Ten that even for being rude, you gotta be unbeatable, carrying a certain class in the way you move. 

_“you don't like me and we just met,”_ Ten had said, in english, to be sure, comfortably walking around the library table and sitting down. 

_“i don't like rich, smartass people,”_ Kun replied in a broken accent, sounding unbothered nonetheless _. “i respect you and i admire some of you, but that is all.”_

 _“well,”_ Ten hummed, _“i'm not just some rich, smartass person.”_

Kun dragged his eyes all over Ten's frame, Ten felt strangely exposed, as if he hadn't been looked down upon like that before. when Kun finished judging the expensive fabrics and exclusive designs, he spoke. 

_“if you say so.”_

Kun was unbelievably smart, Ten had learnt, studying in that _millionaires' school_ (Kun's words, not Ten's) because he had earned a scholarship, _very well deserved_ , might Kun add. Kun wasn't poor by any means, he just wasn't as wealthy as the rest of the kids, working his ass off to be where he was. Ten felt inevitably dragged towards him. 

looking back, Ten had unconsciously known all along that he had liked Kun because he was different, although, at the beginning, he really was just his friend because he had helped him navigate the unknown land, guiding him to a certain extent, to the point where it was foreign to be without him. fortunately, Kun had managed to keep his scholarship to go to the same college as Ten, where Kun majored in accounting and Ten in business management, doing everything his father had asked of him. 

it was exhausting, trying to become this perfect son his father would be so proud of, but he found himself never stopping, because wherever he went, Kun would go too. the college thing, that had been separately, because Kun wanted the best of schools and Ten's parents were only going to pay for the best of education, so that's why they ended up there, it was later in their career, that Kun had been brought to Ten for real, the time when his dad was looking for potential workers for his company, accepting only the best of interns, that his eyes fell on Kun's insurmountable record. needless to say he was recruited right away, put straight to work under Ten's barely forming board. stuck to the hip were they from then on. 

“Ten, we've basically been together half our lives,” Kun rolled his eyes, still in that same elegant fashion from when they were mere teenagers, that made laughing at people look like an art. “what's gotten into you, huh?” 

Ten walked from where he was leaning on the counter to where Kun was setting the table, sliding his arms around Kun's waist from his back to hug him tight, burying his face between Kun's clothed shoulder blades. Kun laughed warmly. 

“my father just named me the official president of his group,” Ten said, although slightly muffled because of the fabric of Kun's sweater. he heard the metal chopstick Kun was placing down fall a little rougher on the table. 

“what?” 

Kun struggled to turn around, having to hold onto Ten's hands to loosen his grip on his waist and move successfully. 

“when?” Kun asked again after a moment of silence. 

“a couple hours ago,” Ten replied. “that's why this meeting was held so late, we had to discuss some things and all week long we have tons of things to do.” 

“Tennie…” Kun whispered then, arms moving on their own accord to land around Ten's shoulders, a gesture that Ten had always loved, because even though they were basically the same height, Kun always made him feel bigger, stronger. “that's so amazing!” he suddenly screamed, clinging to Ten's body like a koala, Ten holding onto Kun's body to catch him and lift him up. “good thing i baked this cake you like so much! see? i predict the future!” 

Ten smiled, so adoring and longing, because he might have been named the rightful heir to this great empire his father had built for him, but nothing quite compared to coming home to his king, making him smile and feeling inspired to give him the world, if not even more. 

“c'mon, love, let's sit,” Ten said, letting Kun put his feet on the floor. “we have so much to talk about, but we also have to go to sleep because we have so much work to do.” 

Kun nodded enthusiastically. 

“what will you need me to do?” 

that had been on monday, when Ten had ended up so drunk in Kun's kisses, he actually arrived thirty minutes late to his office the next day, his father forgave him because he knew Ten had celebrated the night before. 

everything seemed to be going so well. 

as he was moving through the dancefloor, Kunhang suddenly pulled him aside to ask him for some thumbs up on that deal Dejun was trying to close, Ten had felt inclined to roll his eyes, for he knew it would bring them trouble, this young lady had only agreed to come because Yukhei had bedded her a couple nights before, but if she was willing to sell her body _and_ her business, Ten was no one to deny. 

Kun was lost when he returned. after quickly scanning the area with his eyes, he decided to wait in case his betrothed was busy talking to someone, he knew it to be common in this world of theirs. so, he walked up to the vip section, he sat next to Dejun and in front of the woman and he waited. 

he waited. 

and waited. 

and waited some more. 

Kun never came. 

“i'm going to the bathroom,” he announced and Dejun nodded, immediately going back to flirting mode to get her to say _yes_. 

Ten downed a shot he took from the table as he stood up, suddenly walking in slow motion, the sound becoming far, until all he heard was an annoying beep, and then, _noise_. 

it didn't take long for him to see people running away, some others falling to the floor, trying to protect themselves. Ten opened his eyes wide, and he ran. 

_Kun_ , he thought. _i have to find Kun_. 

how he managed to run without getting shot, don't ask him, because he still doesn't know. he easily roamed all over the club, stopping at the back entrance where a man was holding a gun, threatening Sicheng, his board director, if he came any closer. 

“the one and only,” the man said. tall and pale, with sharp canines like those of a predator. “chittaphon leechaiyapornkul.” 

Ten was breathing hard, almost struggling to suck in breath, his long earrings were shaking after running and shining under the neon lights. 

“i hope you like your birthday gift,” the man continued speaking. “we did put a lot of effort into it.”

he pulled the trigger and Ten dropped himself to the ground, crawling his way to check on Sicheng, who was unharmed, as was he. the man had only shot one of his security men behind them, distracting them long enough to turn around and run. 

“they have Kun,” Sicheng said, still holding himself on the floor. 

Ten ran at this. faster than a cheetah and wilder than a black mamba, pushing bodies and almost flying over steps until he crashed his body against the door, opening it harshly in one go, only to catch the remnants of some vans, bullets and blood, but not his fiancé. no. Kun was nowhere in sight. 

he didn't sleep after that. he didn't even return to his place for one week straight. 

“Ten, you have to at least take a shower,” Sicheng said. “please, let me take you to my place,” Ten shot him a death glare. “i'll bring you back here as soon as you're done, i promise!” he exclaimed, raising his hands. 

“sir,” his private security head came in. Ten forced himself to down the americano with three extra shots of espresso in one go before lifting his tired eyes. 

“yes?” he asked. 

“we've managed to track them down,” Ten saw Sicheng starting to walk towards the door, signaling to go with him as soon as he was done. “we received a message, the amount of money they ask of you is way out of our reach.” 

Ten didn't think it was out of reach, he had the money, hell, it would barely take a year to recover from that, but he was put in line by his father shutting him up. 

“i said no, Chittaphon!” his dad shouted. 

Ten had to grab onto his hair not to do anything he'll regret. 

“but why the fuck not?” he screamed back. “i have the money! are you so scared i am not going to be able to run this company?” 

“that's exactly what you're showing me here!” the veins in his father's forehead could be seen, while Ten himself felt redness creep up his neck. 

Ten slammed his hands on the large executive desk in front of him. 

“they have my fiancé, dad!” he lost it. “had you lost mom this way, what would you have done?” 

his dad clenched his jaw while Ten did the same with his fists. 

“ _no_ is my final answer,” his dad said again, turning on his heels and walking out. 

Ten struggled against himself to drown a sob that was threatening with coming out of his mouth, so a painful, muffled sound was heard stuck on his throat as tears filled his vision, his face unbelievable red. he turned and without thinking, using his momentum, he slammed his fist on the window next to him, with enough force to break through the thickness of it, shattering to pieces and embedding in his skin. 

“fucking hell, gē!” he heard Yangyang complain, as if he had been the one bleeding, when Ten couldn't feel a damn thing. 

“get the fuck out of here!” Ten yelled, pointing to the door with his good hand. “i don't care how much money you have to spend, but i want you looking for Kun right fucking now!” his normally unexceptionable hair fell in messy bangs over his forehead as he violently shook with each savage word. 

Yukhei walked through the door. 

“gē-” he tried to speak when he took in the hesitant figure of Yangyang. 

“let him, Lucas,” Ten demanded. “he's not a fucking child anymore, he wanted to be with the grown-ups, well this is our fucking world! so you better grab those fucking checks, and join _the snake_ wherever he has to go! i want you supervising every fucking move and you only dare return when you have news about where my boyfriend is!” 

Yangyang did obey his orders, and he left the company for long weeks, teaming up with _the snake_ , the guard Ten trusted the most, interrogating and tracking every possible clue. everyone was doing something similar, Yukhei covering the night places for him, where he knew was most likely something would slip out of whomever had Kun; Dejun was covering his family's restaurants, Kunhang was taking care of the government, while he and his sister monitored the hotels, joining with some of his sister's influences on real estate, to figure out where could Kun possibly be.

returning to his flat was the greatest torture so far, because while it still had hints of Kun's presence lingering around, it was evident that he was, indeed, not there. 

_your chair at the table is empty and cold, you need to come home, i need someone to hold._

his laptop made a sound, signaling he had just received an email. now, normally he wouldn't bother to check them, since it was way past his working hours, but ever since Kun was taken away from him, work seemed to be flooding out of everywhere. 

he sighed, and he dragged his sore feet to the _black_ counter, he ghosted his fingers over the surface. 

_“why black?”_ Kun whined. _“i want to make this place feel like home! i can't with this dark soul place you chose,”_ he pouted.

 _“you'll get something better,”_ Ten had said. _“a goddamn mansion if you so wish.”_

Kun shook his head. 

_“no-oh,”_ he sung. _“we agreed that we'd be modest, i don't want flashy places.”_

Ten wrapped his arms around his waist. 

_“but you're flashy yourself,”_ he kissed the tip of Kun's nose, a soft blush appeared on Kun's cheeks and ears. _“i will only give you what matches you best, never less.”_

 _“oh my god, you're so corny!”_

why had he given Kun black? he should have given him that cozy house in the south, near the hills, where Kun would have been happy to adorn everything himself. 

he tapped on the new email, coming from, apparently, an unknown contact. it was a video file, _probably the snake managed to find some information_ , he thought. so he clicked on it, only to stumble back and fall off his stool when he heard a piercing scream echo in the empty apartment, it sounded taken straight out of a horror movie. 

“look at how prettily he cries,” he heard, a deep, manly voice. “tell him, Kun, tell him how badly you want to go back.” 

“please don't do this,” Kun cried in the video and Ten felt himself start to shake. “let him be, he hasn't done anything wrong.” 

“i think we should go back to that collar,” the man, whom Ten could not see because he was out of frame, spoke. “i did give you permission to speak, but not like this.”

a man came near Kun and Ten felt himself almost jump into the screen as Kun started sobbing at the nearness, the man had a collar in his hold and was attempting to put it around Kun's neck. Kun didn't fight, he saw, only breathing fast and short, making the tendons of his neck and his collarbone come visible due to the tension. then he saw a whiplash, it hit Kun's back and Kun had to scream by throwing his head back, leaving enough space for the man to clasp the collar there. 

“one shock for each time your fiancé's men have declined to take you back,” _a shock collar_ , Ten felt himself turn to stone. he couldn't keep watching, he felt like he was going to choke on the air he was breathing. he creeped as best he could until he slammed his hand on the laptop's upper part, shutting it close. 

another email came. 

_if you want him back, you'll meet me tomorrow morning, i'll text you the details. -Johnny._

_Johnny_. 

why on earth would he give his name just like that? 

as he worked on evening his breath, without stopping his weeping, but calming down enough not to feel like he was drowning, he tried to recall if he knew anyone by that name. 

that's how he found himself calling out his men, landing at his parent's house and almost tearing out his dad's throat. 

“you fucking knew about this!” he blamed, eyes bloodshot and veins all on display. 

“Ten, son,” the older man tried to reason, with his wife hidden behind his back. “i never knew it was his son!” 

“and here i was, thinking that you were a good man, that we were building this business based on trust and truth!” Ten slammed all the ornaments on the credenza adorning his mother's living room to the floor. 

“son, i didn't know they were going to kidnap the Suh's firstborn,” Ten's dad was shaking now too, but not from the cold, despite the thin pijama he was wearing. 

“still, you didn't have to mess up with those men like that!” Ten pulled his hair. 

“we all make mistakes! don't come to me acting like you are proud of everything you've done!” 

“everything i've done,” Ten stepped over the broken glass, causing it to crumble under his feet, “everything i've done, i've done it for the sake of my people and my company!” 

“so, you weren't the one dating Youngho while Kun was waiting for you just to mess him up!” Ten's mom grabbed onto his father's arm at that, pulling him back until he was behind her. 

“i never cheated on my boyfriend, _dad_ ” he spat. 

“stop it!” his mother screamed looking at Ten and then at her husband. “both of you!”

Ten held himself still at that, breathing violently before raising his index finger to point at his dad. 

“i get it now,” he said. “but i would never mess up someone like that, i don't care if you did that back in your days, but i do care that you project yourself on me! this man is not after me because i _'messed him up'_ , he's after _you_ because of everything those employees of yours did to him when he was a child! but now that i'm the one sitting on that chair, he's after me, and you come out with your hands clean!” Ten pushed his mother, not-so-gently, out of his way, until his sharp nose was almost touching his dad's. “i'm giving him what he wants.” 

“you can't, Chittaphon,” his dad hissed back. “without Kun to manage your numbers, you've lost money fast enough, and everything you've put to get him is already starting to show off, you're slowing the production and you have workers on strike, you're pushing back your meetings and investors are turning away, you've become an easy target, and if you give in, we'll be left with nothing.”

“we'll sell the hotels, then!” 

“those are your sister's,” his mother interrupted. “you gave them to her and you're not going to manipulate her into getting your fiancé back, besides that's safe income, you cannot give that away.” 

Ten wanted to scream. but no sound came out. 

_“darling, i'm home!”_

_“it took you long enough.”_

_Ten laughed._

_“are you angry with me?” Kun nodded, pouting and looking adorable._

_“you took too long,” Kun answered._

_“i am sorry.”_

_“just make love to me, and i'll forgive you.”_

_how could Ten say no?_

it had always been easy, this thing he had with Kun. from talking to bickering to managing his father's business, Kun never complained, he only ever did what he was told. 

_“i'm worried people will take advantage of you,”_ Ten acknowledged that one time. _“you're too pure, too good for this world.”_

Kun bit down hard on his neck at that, Ten groaned. 

_“i can be mean, too,”_ he said, sweet, honeyed voice, slowly rocking himself on Ten's thigh. Ten traced his very short fingernail over the soft lines of his obliques, milky and soft under his touch. 

_“you sure can, sweetheart,”_ Ten replied. 

he then kissed Kun's soft lips, careful and gentle, sliding his tongue between them to tangle it with Kun's. the kisses Kun left on his jawline were always tingly and magical, sending Ten to this fluffy cloud he never wanted to come down from. he was often told the two together looked like a very expensive and soulful work of art, with their sharp eyes, intertwined fingers, matching clothes and shiny rings, but Ten was sure the true art was Kun's naked body, arching and taking in all of him in. 

_“you fill me up so well,”_ he moaned and Ten's dick twitched in delight buried in the tight heat. 

_“Kun,”_ Ten moaned back. _“my pretty baby.”_

at that, Kun would dig his heels on his lower back, encouragingly pushing him in, clenching around him until Ten had him pinned by his wrists, slamming into him, earning Kun's whines and screams. 

_“the world has to know you're mine,”_ he whispered in his ear. _“anyone would fall in love with you, and that's okay, as long as you remain with me.”_

Kun gave, he almost never took, and that was what had driven Ten to the limits of insanity for him, back in the days when Ten was nothing but a spoiled child, Kun was always there to snap him out of that mindset, dragging him, like a nymph, instead, to the depths of reality, where Ten had learnt to live by the truth, quite late, but not entirely so. 

_“you and i are not together,”_ he spat. _“it's okay, whatever you did.”_

 _“but that's why i'm telling you,”_ Ten fought back. _“because i want to be with you and i want you to accept me.”_

_“promise me you are not seeing that man again, and i shall give you a chance.”_

_“i promise.”_

Ten had had the opportunity to destroy Kun if he so wished, but he never did, because he loved Kun and so he put him high on a pedestal, instead. 

_an easy target_ , he now knew. _i should have kept him hidden away._

“it wouldn't have kept him safe from danger,” Dejun told him when he let out his thoughts one time, months into that hell he was living in. “it would have just cut off his wings.”

 _because he's an angel_ . _his_ guardian angel. and Ten was now lost without him. 

Dejun blinked, examining Ten's depressed state, his sharp brows only made Ten shiver under his gaze. 

“why don't you move to that house Kun wanted so badly?” Dejun asked. “it is only killing you to be here,” he signaled, hopelessly, the walls of his minimalist, barely lit up flat. “Kun will come, don't you want to wait for him in the house he desired?” 

_right_. and so he did. 

but something went wrong along the way. 

because the lines between his dreams and reality started to blur, Ten had dreamt of Kun so often, in that modest house he had visited at least ten times before hand in hand with Kun, until he said he wanted it, imagining where Kun would hang that picture, or what colour would he choose to paint his walls. 

it was frowsty. Ten really couldn't breath. 

“sir, i don't think this is good for you,” the snake said. 

“i didn't fucking ask,” Ten replied before taking the plastic bag from his hands and turning away, walking into the new house and locking the door, with no one else inside. 

_cocaine_. the only way out Ten could thought of. 

white lines. blurred lines. dollar bills. contract signs. 

“i won't sign that,” he sentenced. 

Kunhang sighed.

“please, gē,” he begged. “we have to sell the ten percent, is the only way we will get that investment.” 

“well, bargain better, until you get what i fucking asked.” 

“i don't think that's smart,” he heard Kun's voice. “i wouldn't do that if i were you.” 

“what would you do, then?” Ten asked. 

“let me go,” Ten turned his head at that. “stop throwing away your money, your company is more important than me.” 

“no,” Ten whispered, water starting to flow his eyes. “no, you're my king, my most important and valuable thing.” 

“that's your mistake,” it wasn't Kun's voice anymore. Ten shook his head. “you should have known by now that we don't make people the most important thing in our lives, pup.” 

it was his uncle. 

_where's Kun?_ he was here a minute ago. 

“where…” he attempted to ask but he couldn't let the rest of the sentence out. 

_home. he's waiting for you back home._

he ran. like that one time at the club, bumping into everything and anything, slamming the door open and driving way too fast to his apartment, that he hadn't bothered selling, just leaving it to wait for Kun in that house. 

it was dark already, but ever since that day, not even the night seemed as dark as his heart. 

_Kun's here. he's waiting for me._

he typed in the security code with trembling hands, and the door opened. 

_“darling, i'm home!”_

_but Kun was still gone._

**Author's Note:**

> imma be honest: i wasn't really intending on doing this a mini series, it just happened that yesterday's story made perfect sense in my head and so here i am :)  
> *sigh*  
> i am already working on Johnny's point of view, which i think might turn out to be the longest, to explain the gaps in this and Kun's perspective, i also feel like it's gonna take longer for me to upload, but taking advantage of the fact that i'm still isolated, i might as well get the best out of it  
> don't hesitate to leave comments and kudos or even requests :p


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